Love Torn
November 26th 2008 04:01
Category: No Category
Lovetorn in St Kilda asks:
"I've been in a relationship for 6-7 months now. I am in love with him, but he says he isn't in love with me and requires time and distance to work it out."
I think many people can relate to this scenario. So based on all the information supplied within the letter, I have concluded the following:
He is not ready for a full on commitment. He is not even sure (if he was) whether he would be able to commit to you. This tells me he’s still looking and you’ll pretty much do for the time being. At least until his perfect dream comes along.
Now I know we all love to think how wonderful and perfect we are for a person but it is never up to us to decide what is right for the other person. Remember, we’re lovers not mothers!
He has also stated he needs distance to work it out. Then my advice is to give him that distance. You should also find out for yourself if he is really what you want in the mean time.
You must remember that being around someone all the time can really alter your view. As you get used to them and they grow on you somewhat, your habits change and your focus starts to alter dramatically. So time apart is always essential for any relationship to work. It gives you time to to think clearly and to redefine your true emotions within.
See other people, perhaps not intimately, but go out, mingle, see what else is around, don’t tie yourself down because you want to be needed and loved and will take anything you can get! Not saying you are doing that, but you need the time apart to make sure of it.
Just think, do you want to be with someone that later on says 'well I decided you were right cos there was no one else that matched my preference'?!
Sometimes you’ve just gotta have fun with the one you’re with and not make things so serious. Enjoy it while you can, as once you're tied down and married, it will never be the same as it was while you were dating.
Don’t rush it! Sit back, relax, look around and ponder, 'is this even what I really want?'
Now I'm not saying you should dump the guy, I'm really just saying, yes, you should slow down. Don't stop looking just because you are with that person right now. Give them space, give yourself space. And most importantly, stop thinking so much! We as females, tend to create little dramas in our heads and make something out of nothing. A fault in the design I think. But seriously, at that time frame, things shouldn't be that serious. You should just be having fun.
Thank you for your letter, Lovetorn. I hope this helps you even just a little bit.
"I've been in a relationship for 6-7 months now. I am in love with him, but he says he isn't in love with me and requires time and distance to work it out."
I think many people can relate to this scenario. So based on all the information supplied within the letter, I have concluded the following:
He is not ready for a full on commitment. He is not even sure (if he was) whether he would be able to commit to you. This tells me he’s still looking and you’ll pretty much do for the time being. At least until his perfect dream comes along.
Now I know we all love to think how wonderful and perfect we are for a person but it is never up to us to decide what is right for the other person. Remember, we’re lovers not mothers!
He has also stated he needs distance to work it out. Then my advice is to give him that distance. You should also find out for yourself if he is really what you want in the mean time.
You must remember that being around someone all the time can really alter your view. As you get used to them and they grow on you somewhat, your habits change and your focus starts to alter dramatically. So time apart is always essential for any relationship to work. It gives you time to to think clearly and to redefine your true emotions within.
See other people, perhaps not intimately, but go out, mingle, see what else is around, don’t tie yourself down because you want to be needed and loved and will take anything you can get! Not saying you are doing that, but you need the time apart to make sure of it.
Just think, do you want to be with someone that later on says 'well I decided you were right cos there was no one else that matched my preference'?!
Sometimes you’ve just gotta have fun with the one you’re with and not make things so serious. Enjoy it while you can, as once you're tied down and married, it will never be the same as it was while you were dating.
Don’t rush it! Sit back, relax, look around and ponder, 'is this even what I really want?'
Now I'm not saying you should dump the guy, I'm really just saying, yes, you should slow down. Don't stop looking just because you are with that person right now. Give them space, give yourself space. And most importantly, stop thinking so much! We as females, tend to create little dramas in our heads and make something out of nothing. A fault in the design I think. But seriously, at that time frame, things shouldn't be that serious. You should just be having fun.
Thank you for your letter, Lovetorn. I hope this helps you even just a little bit.
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