Domestic Violence
July 9th 2008 07:12
Category: No Category
Picture extracted from kpbs.org
This may have happened to you. You may know someone that it is happening to. You may even be the perpetrator. Regardless of your knowledge of it, it's out there and closer than you think. This post is dedicated to Domestic Violence. Each experience is different as relative as they may seem. So here I do not judge, I merely discuss. And offer a few links to some places you may venture to for further reading, advice and guidance.
Up until this year I never quite understood Domestic Violence as I thought I did. My opinions in retrospect were harsh and uncalled for. I had adopted a mainstream attitude of 'perhaps she deserved it'. I'd known of a few people it had happened to, all female victims. One of them it seemed to occur in every relationship she had, so I figured well ‘she must doing something to have that keep happening’. Another, I felt sorry for because I knew she didn't deserve it but she was promiscuous, so I figured that was his reason for hitting her. Which stems the first question; Is it ever justified?
Now, I recall some conversations with some male friends during a drunken night of ‘deep and meaningfuls’. When I thought I was listening, I don't think I was, because only now it sinks in, that they too can become victims of Domestic Violence.
I struggle to understand my mind at times and how it absorbs information. When I can be so adamant I know something and understand something and believe something, then years later stop and think and go 'fuck, what an idiot, I might have been able to help that person more'. Was it the haziness of the alcohol when these people would open up to me and confess these problems that rendered me unable to realise the importance of their issue? Or was I just so tainted by ignorance that I was unable to help? I've been swayed by many ideas, many views and much stupidity in my drunken past but after my own little reality check this year I am now more clear and respectful than ever before.
My story in brief:
An ex-boyfriend struggled with an alcohol problem as well as depression and other issues. I had been with him for perhaps nine months. It was a rollercoaster that’s for sure. A lot of shit happened in that small amount of time. By Christmas the alcohol had again become a problem and I wasn’t able to deal with that any longer as I was struggling with my own problems at that time, so we broke up. As I am naturally a compassionate person and was still in love with him, I continued to see him, let him stay over and hang out etc in the hope that he would get better and we could perhaps be together again. But he never got help and things got worse.
Then when I was alone with him one day at my house, he suddenly snapped and attacked me. I won’t go into detail, but I took quite a few hits and only just managed to get out of the house and find someone to help me. I will tell you that I tried to hail down a car near my house, the lady stopped but wouldn’t let me in her car. She wouldn’t take me to the police station but she did offer to call police. Though I don’t know that she even did as I took off and kept running to try get some real help. Finally an elderly lady let me into her home to call the police. She was very kind and I am very grateful for her help. He was eventually apprehended, charged with assault and ended up with a good behaviour bond.
All this was completely unexpected, completely unjustifiable. I didn’t deserve it. And sadly, it is only after this happening to me that I can finally see that all those other people didn’t deserve it. How could I have ever been so sick to ever think that any of them may have?! It’s not a joke! It’s a serious problem that needs addressing. I mean if I, a truly compassionate and caring person can bare such an appalling attitude toward this issue, then there is something seriously wrong with our society!
We see those ads on TV that ‘Australia says no to violence against women’ well there are males who experience it too. And there are so many underlying issues that need to be resolved in order to appropriately deal with the domestic violence issue. If they are identified then we can prevent further attacks, in theory.
It is a sad fact that people know it’s happening but are too scared to get involved so they don’t help. They don’t call the police in case it inconveniences their day. People walked by my house and I screamed for help about 2 metres from them, they just kept walking. Like the lady in the car that wouldn’t get me off that street to safety. So many people sickeningly refuse to help. People would rather ignore you and continue on with their own life. So stems my second question; What would you do?
Since my incident, I ensured I went outside and battled each day with my head held high and refused to let anything bring me down to that level again. I kept up my spirits with my Orble outlet; Mystic Metal. I did a course at college to keep me busy. I went out every weekend and made sure I met new people every week and partied as hard as I could. I ensured I had fun each and every time. And I am so glad I was able to conjure the strength to do it. As usually depression consumes me and renders me unable to move, even breathe. So this little ‘reality check’ gave me life.
I have discovered a strength within me I never knew new existed. I have a zest for life never known to me before. I now have an amazing group of friends around me and even discovered the disgusting truth of how many people this actually affects. So many people are met with Domestic Violence. So remember, you are not alone. There are many of us that understand; the confusion, the pain, the misery, the emotion. I didn’t seek professional help, in retrospect I should have. But because I was lucky enough to gather the strength and determination to go outside I was able to find a different kind of therapy.
What is your story?
Useful Links:
Legal Aid NSW
DomesticViolence.Org
Women Are Dreamers Too
Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearing House
Family Court of Australia
Office for Women
Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria
Relationships Australia
Australia Says No Campaign
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